I never meant to make things awkward, It was just me being too stupid and again being so selfish over things and have not reacted the way I supposed to. Am an idiot I know that. It's just....the silence comes around when all I have to face is a GOODBYE. I do admit that I sucks at this, I never gonna be able to control my blank head not even if the common sense play it's role at it.

I promise I will never ever do that again. I won't ignore someone again, I'll try to treat people kindly and give all the attention, I'll have the eye contact whenever I hear words come out and speak loud. I don't wanna be an idiot no more. Enough for the stupid mistake I made today. I ummmm..... I can't handle the silence my self that I could lose my mind if I ever get in to it.

Am so sorry. No matter how many times I say this, I still feel the guilt in me really deeply. I just wish this could go away easy.

I'll make it up to you one day. This I promise you.

It’s the strangest thing as it so clear to me that I took a deep heart and it still so much strange and complicated. I remember the feeling of falling down like umm… I don’t believe in anybody. But today’s gonna be the day I throw it back to me. Haaa… Dunno how it goes.

Am giving all my best now try to compete with bunch of people for a bit of luck of what it is I can get here. Interview and language test to get thru to the next level. Lots to be done and I don’t wanna mess it all up. Just lil bit confusion here that my head stuck like it’s been freezing as if I am on the ice age by now and still it’s not melted by the global warming issue. What the hell is this? Should I aware of it more?? Like I really have to aware of my own foot step every time I try to move forward? No??? I say yes. I have to. I don’t want to stumble and fall and couldn’t get up and I assume no body wants to help me up, people are too busy with their own thing, they won’t mind me. Well, who am I for them??

It’s so crazy that I did it all like I’ve done this before. I’m not an expert nor the mentor for let say me. Not that I take this not precious but I could fall from the sky hard as you know it’s high enough. But I still need it. I want, I wonder. Ha ha. Well you know I won’t pass it either so this is what it is now. I walk thousand miles to save my self now. Well, if only you could save me tho [^_^]